trusting my intuition - and making the call

Last week I had an awkward sales call. I thought we were getting to know each other - "let's talk and decide if we want to work together". So I was prepared to have a deeper conversation about their problems, our philosophy, potential solutions, and how we might structure our work. I left feeling completely ambushed.

As I sat in the parking lot, dazed and confused, I thought about what happened. I didn't have the level of interaction and connection that I have come to expect. I didn't get any positive signals. A few things seemed really strange...

1. The guys I met with continued to stress how complex their change was... I thought OK so this is a relatively big change - restructuring, layoffs, and new roles. But in the big scheme of things?... not so complicated. I wondered - how come he thinks this is so complex?
2. They were concerned about our capacity and scale - how would we be able to ramp up, what happens if they don't like someone on the team... It seemed that he didn't get our approach at all. that we don't build a small empire and that we push the work back onto the managers to lead the change. that having a gigantic team of consultants is not going to change behaviors. They just kept pushing on how we would scale up and make sure people were available
3. They wanted industry experience...considering I had worked at their company for 8 months, I wasn't sure what this was all about. especially considering our variety of industries and depth of expertise. seemed really weird that they kept asking about this.

It seemed that they were looking for reasons to not hire us.

Today I found out that they selected a big-4 consulting firm to help them. All the pieces now fit together. Typical MO... this change is really big and complicated, you need a really big team, and you need a gigantic bench of resources in case it gets even bigger and more complicated. And we have deep industry experts who can provide deep industry expertise.

What I learned - hard, hard lessons.

• Why didn't I ask if they were looking at other consulting firms? - I could have easily turned the conversation around...
• Why didn't I stop the meeting and say that this was not what I expected? - I could have dug to find out what was really going on...
• Why didn't I do one more conversation prior to flying there to confirm expectations for the meeting? - if they met with the other firm and had different priorities I could have prepared...
• Why didn't I get skeptical when the main guy wasn't able to meet with us? - I could have rescheduled, or at least figured out what was going on...
• Why did I accept the meeting getting cut short because they were late?

Because I had worked there before, I had a direct referral, and our phone conversation went well... I trusted that the next step would be continuing to build the relationship. I haven't been side swiped by another firm before. I let my guard down, didn't read the signals, didn't take action when it was obviously needed, and lost the opportunity.

So what a great learning as I develop my sales acumen. But what a crappy way to have to learn these lessons. Hopefully I got it and don't have to learn this again.

the luxury of ignorance

Last week I was invited to a meeting to provide my "expert opinion." So I showed up not knowing anything - I didn't even know what the meeting was about. As I sat there listening to the group, I realized that I didn't have a clue what they were talking about.

"business transformation" 

"functional initiatives" 

"global optimization" 

"outsourcing"

"milestones" 

"buy in and adoption"

I finally interjected and said - I don't have a clue what you are talking about. They all sort of looked around for someone to explain it to me and realized that they didn't really know either. They had been so used to using these words that they couldn't explain simply what they were doing. We had a great conversation as they all tried to explain it to me in their own words. We also opened up some real misunderstandings and areas needing further discussion.

Being the new person in the room allows you to ask the "dumb" questions. The luxury of ignorance.

But what if we were prepared to own it we were confused? I have been afraid to ask the questions sometimes because it looked like everyone else knew what was going on and I didn't want to slow it down, or assumed I would be able to pick it up later, or thought I should already know this stuff.

It takes courage to ask questions or to say that you don't know something.

Last week Rod Odom, President of BellSouth, gave a great presentation on lessons he learned as a leader. He told a story from college which reminded me of this topic. He sat in a class for a week and didn't understand a thing the professor was talking about. He was about to drop the class when one of the other students stood up and told the professor that he couldn't follow any of the lectures. It turns out this class had been mislabeled in the curriculum as level 1 but was actually part 3 of a series. The professor restructured the class and Rod said it was the best class he ever took. I think about the courage it took for that one student to stand up. And the huge benefits the rest of the class (and the professor) got from it.

What a great learning.

Communication tips to help you get the respect you deserve

We are planning our next executive women's networking event. We will explore how to communicate and build relationships to achieve greater respect.

As always, the timing is perfect. This week I was shown that this is something I need to continue to work on. sigh... another learning opportunity.

As part of our planning, we shared our personal stories and listed our top 10 tips - based on our research, our experiences, and the stories we have heard. We will continue to refine our list after the event but here is our initial draft. Would love your thoughts, additions, and stories.

In creating this list we found many examples of when we missed the mark and how annoyed we get at others who can't get it right. It seems that we only hurt ourselves - our credibility, our trustworthiness, and our ability to be respected - when we can't get it right.  

1. Clearly communicate what is expected—the job and the working relationship—make sure people really get it
2. Listen, read the signals, and communicate appropriately—able to figure out what is really going on in the organization, in the hierarchy, and in relationships
3. Provide objective, direct feedback in a way that can be heard and is valued—leave people wanting to hear more
4. Always avoid gossiping about people—it is not constructive and shows you can’t be trusted
5. Explain when information is needed to make a decision, when a decision is made, and why that decision was made—especially to people who will not be satisfied with the decision
6. Explain what is going on behind closed doors—why certain people are involved and others are not
7. Keep conversations confidential—if in doubt ask but never share a conversation without permission
8. Use conversations to help people solve their own problems, clear obstacles, and listen—don’t jump in with solutions
9. Respect other’s time—schedule time to talk (limit busting in unexpected), give them time to prepare, and keep it on topic
10. Take time to let things work themselves out before jumping in—respond after giving yourself time to calmly assess the situation and always avoid email arguments