sexual harassment - have we come a long way?

Today I had an interesting lunch conversation with a woman who has been sexually harassed recently. She is going through the process of talking to her boss and to HR and making sure that everything is recorded.

I remembered how I dealt with an experience similar to this - can it be 25 years ago? I was so surprised and confused that I didn't know how to react. In what became a pattern in dealing with uncomfortable situations, I ran away. I did my best to avoid him at work and soon after I left the company to work somewhere else.

Being put in this situation is really uncomfortable and worse, really unexpected. We don't know how to react because we are surprised and we don't have experience with this.

We are taught to be nice, to make sure no one feels bad, to avoid conflict. We giggle and joke around and hope that they will know that we really don't like it. And when it gets really bad we don't know what to do.

I ran away and ignored it.
My friend escalated and had HR confront it.

In both cases, we are avoiding something that we should be skilled and prepared to do... recognize when we are uncomfortable, call it what it is, and be clear in communicating that it is inappropriate. We should know how to do this quickly, directly, and in a way that allows the other person to save face so we can keep the relationship intact.

I know that there are egregious examples of harassment that should be taken to HR. AND I think many cases can be addressed with a calm and firm "dude, that is out of line. let's not let do that again". Without giggling or joking or sending mixed signals. But not making a big deal out of it either. I wish that I had the skills to do this when I had that horrible, awkward experience. And I sure hope that I have the presence and courage to do it if I face something like it again.

To make this work we have to learn to better listen to what we are feeling and communicate in a way that is respected. We need to be stronger and take things into our own hands. And we need to be doing it all the time.