Why is it so hard to let it go?

I was thinking about something I notice women leaders doing that I don't really see so much with men... and I think this is a big problem.

We were in an all day workshop with the executive team to clear up the reason for doing this project. Everyone in the room had a lot to say, there was lots of heated debate and conversation.

Eventually the group got down to debating what "the project" really is. Finally, after everyone had a chance to put their opinions on the table (at least once and for most people many more times), the CEO stepped in and made a decision. THIS IS WHAT THE PROJECT IS. He stood up and wrote it on the board.

Then we moved on.

Immediately after the meeting, I debriefed with the project manager. She said she was going to talk to him again because she doesn't agree and thinks he doesn't get it...

YIKES

This is where I think women have got to learn to let go and stop taking it so personally. I know that it is hard when we are so passionate about our position. I know it looks like we are giving up. I know we think we can convince him to change his mind...

Here is what I would ask you to consider. If you let go of your opinion now that the decision is made and fully support the decision, what are the possible outcomes?

• If the decision fails, the CEO will remember that you had a different opinion and that you still supported him. You will look good and will have earned the credibility to be listened to next time.
• If the decision succeeds, the CEO will remember that you had a different opinion and you supported the decision anyway. You will look good and will have earned some points.

If you continue to pursue your opinion, what are the possible outcomes?

• You will annoy the CEO and will send the message that he is being stupid - obviously not where you want to be.
• If this decision succeeds, the CEO will remember that you continued to pester him and you will have lost significant credibility.
• If it fails? the CEO doesn't need to have someone gloating and will probably not bring you around to fix it.

It is really important to let go and really support the decision that is made. If this means going to the CEO and explicitly saying "you know I have some concerns with the decision but I am trusting your decision and will fully support it" then go do it. But you need to really support it.