The importance of sponsors vs. mentors during the recession

"In times of strife, men are more likely to have role models or mentors who can protect or guide them through company instability" says Ilene Lang, CEO of Catalyst Inc. "The recession has not been kind to women." Wall Street Journal

We have been coached for decades to get mentors. We were appointed mentors, have debated self selecting vs. being assigned mentors, we have learned how to find mentors. But as women, I'm afraid we haven't been looking for the right things. We have found a great support group - people who can listen and provide advice and perspective... people who can commiserate and pump us back up... people who can share experiences and stories.

What we haven't found are people who will protect us from the inevitable landmines, who will pull us through the organization, who will give us the challenging and visible roles, and who will set us up to be seen as a leader. People who will push us to the senior leadership positions.

And this is hurting us. It's especially important when times are uncertain - we need people to guide us through the company's challenges.

As a mother of girls, I am worried about how to help them learn to find the people they need to pull them into leadership roles.  Yes it is important to find a good support group of mentors - but that is easier and more natural for us. It is harder and requires more guidance to find the person/people to sponsor us in the company.

Changing the world

I just watched Madeleine Albright talking on TED about being a woman and a diplomat. She was a delight to watch and her humor, humility, and power were inspiring. Madeleine Albright speaks about being a woman and a diplomat

Definitely worth a watch.

I loved her 7 year old granddaughter asking what the big deal was since "only girls are secretaries of state"... so telling and yet what a goal really.

The stories of what she accomplished and how she did it were amazing. An education for those of us who don't stay in touch with politics. She was able to change the world.

Her call to have more women represented in politics and in business was pragmatic and hopeful - because we are better able to but ourselves in the other persons shoes, because we will attempt a deeper understanding, and because we can change the tone and goals of the conversation.

We need to have more women at the table. We need to build momentum. And most importantly we need to support each other.

trusting my intuition - and making the call

Last week I had an awkward sales call. I thought we were getting to know each other - "let's talk and decide if we want to work together". So I was prepared to have a deeper conversation about their problems, our philosophy, potential solutions, and how we might structure our work. I left feeling completely ambushed.

As I sat in the parking lot, dazed and confused, I thought about what happened. I didn't have the level of interaction and connection that I have come to expect. I didn't get any positive signals. A few things seemed really strange...

1. The guys I met with continued to stress how complex their change was... I thought OK so this is a relatively big change - restructuring, layoffs, and new roles. But in the big scheme of things?... not so complicated. I wondered - how come he thinks this is so complex?
2. They were concerned about our capacity and scale - how would we be able to ramp up, what happens if they don't like someone on the team... It seemed that he didn't get our approach at all. that we don't build a small empire and that we push the work back onto the managers to lead the change. that having a gigantic team of consultants is not going to change behaviors. They just kept pushing on how we would scale up and make sure people were available
3. They wanted industry experience...considering I had worked at their company for 8 months, I wasn't sure what this was all about. especially considering our variety of industries and depth of expertise. seemed really weird that they kept asking about this.

It seemed that they were looking for reasons to not hire us.

Today I found out that they selected a big-4 consulting firm to help them. All the pieces now fit together. Typical MO... this change is really big and complicated, you need a really big team, and you need a gigantic bench of resources in case it gets even bigger and more complicated. And we have deep industry experts who can provide deep industry expertise.

What I learned - hard, hard lessons.

• Why didn't I ask if they were looking at other consulting firms? - I could have easily turned the conversation around...
• Why didn't I stop the meeting and say that this was not what I expected? - I could have dug to find out what was really going on...
• Why didn't I do one more conversation prior to flying there to confirm expectations for the meeting? - if they met with the other firm and had different priorities I could have prepared...
• Why didn't I get skeptical when the main guy wasn't able to meet with us? - I could have rescheduled, or at least figured out what was going on...
• Why did I accept the meeting getting cut short because they were late?

Because I had worked there before, I had a direct referral, and our phone conversation went well... I trusted that the next step would be continuing to build the relationship. I haven't been side swiped by another firm before. I let my guard down, didn't read the signals, didn't take action when it was obviously needed, and lost the opportunity.

So what a great learning as I develop my sales acumen. But what a crappy way to have to learn these lessons. Hopefully I got it and don't have to learn this again.

work life balance - an alternative view

Last week I got an email from a colleague who was looking for thoughts on work life balance from a diverse group of women. She was preparing for a presentation to a large group of women managers.
I have to start by saying this is one of those topics that ticks me off. Why is it always on the agenda for women but never on the agenda for men? Every time I am asked "how do you balance it all?" it makes me irritated.

Here is the response I sent her...

First - I don't believe there is ever a perfect balance. We tend to think that every day should be a pie with equal percentages divided up between work, kids, self, spouse,... etc. I think this is what causes us to be crazy.

My philosophy is that I want to be passionate about what I do and want to be present for it regardless of what it is - this means when I am with my kids I am WITH them, same for work, same for Dave (although truly this is the hardest one). When I leave to fly to boston I ask myself - is this worth leaving my family for? and if the answer is ever NO then I will stop. But right now it brings me such joy and a sense of accomplishment that I know it is the right thing to do. 

I also promise myself 6 weeks of "vacation" during the summer. This is what we all look forward to - it justifies the insane hours and travel, it makes the guilt worth it. And during that time I really limit the work, email, etc. Which is really the challenge because I do love what I do and it is hard to feel disconnected from that. But so far every year has been great. It is a low key summer like I had when I was a kid - no pressure but just time together to enjoy each other.

I also schedule time on my calendar each week for "gym" - every tuesday and thursday, if I am home, I will be at a gym class at lunch time. If I travel I go to the gym every morning - 5:30am most days (eek). I call my girls at 7am and 5:30pm every day. I call my husband at 9pm every night. The team knows this and if I have to slip out at 5 for a quick call with the girls they are fine with it (even when I get lots of teasing afterwards).

The worst is when I have a flight canceled or delayed and don't get home when expected (which has happened a lot this winter). I think I get more upset than the family. I remember having a complete melt down in chicago last year crying at the info desk when they said I had to stay overnight. OK that was embarrassing but I really wanted to get home and be there in the morning. So that is hard. Not sure Dave would have the same reaction.

I also have learned to let go of a lot of stuff I would prefer to own. Like what the girls wear to school, whether their hair is even combed, what they eat for lunch/snacks, how clean the house is (how clean the laundry is)... I really enjoy having things neat and organized, I love when I can help pick out clothes and do hair in the morning, I like packing a great healthy and interesting lunch for the girls, I wish I had more time to do creative and learning projects every day after school... but I also know that it is OK when I don't do these things and that everyone and everything is OK.

I try to remember that I am a role model for my girls and that seeing a strong, powerful, and passionate mom who is rewarded and happy because she gets to use her brain is an incredible opportunity for my daughters. I never say "I wish I could stay home but I have to work" - I always acknowledge that while staying home would be fun, I also have really exciting stuff that I get to do at work and I will tell them all about it when I get back home. Fortunately at Montessori they call everything they do "work" so I can ask about their work too.

I wish that all women can find ways to enjoy the different aspects of their lives, be present to each moment, and feel confident that they are doing the best they can. I think that taking control of our lives and knowing that ultimately we make the decision on what it looks like is the key to making this work. 

How women network

I've been thinking back on what I have learned about networking over the past 4 years. I find it astounding at how little I knew about really networking. Of course I had read books and articles about why and how but I didn't get it. What a wild ride!

The first major learning...

1. Networking is not about attending events
2. It doesn't matter how many cards you hand out
3. If your message isn't from the heart and compelling - no one cares what you do
4. Less talking about me... more listening about them

I remember making a resolution to go to at least one networking event a week. I researched and registered, I showed up and handed out cards, I listened to the speaker/panel/etc, and then I went home and checked off the "networking" box. After too much time, energy, and money I realized this was really not working. It felt uncomfortable, I didn't know what to talk about, I wasn't making connections, and it wasn't going anywhere. A new strategy was called for.

My next learning...

1. Most women want to build relationships - and these may lead to introductions, referrals, or business deals
2. Most men like this too
3. Making connections takes time and effort
4. Helping other people is easier than selling yourself

I started finding events I enjoyed attending and topics I wanted to learn more about. I watched a few people who are exceptional networkers. I thought about where my target referral sources might be and went there. I started helping other people make connections. It actually became fun! Meeting someone new became more about getting to know them, finding out how I could help them, staying in touch, and letting the relationship unfold.

Where I am now...

1. I am getting much better at creating connections with the people I meet... and I like that
2. I am creating an environment that supports the way women network - launching Women on the Move was new and challenging but watching the way the group connects creates so much positive energy
3. I am seeing more opportunities to help others because of the connections I have developed over the years
4. And best of all, I am getting great referrals from people I have gotten to know
5. I'm still trying to figure out how to stay in touch with people - now that I have so many relationships it is hard for me to maintain them

I've seen successes that reinforce these learnings. Several years ago I met another consulting business owner for coffee. We talked about ways we might collaborate but nothing had come of it. We stayed in touch and late last year he referred me into what became one of my largest clients. My former boss has called me several times to work on his projects. Another former boss has referred me to one of his clients.

Last week I met a woman who is launching her coaching business. As we talked it came up that one of her clients was looking for PE connections in Atlanta. I was able to pull a very influential name out and make an introduction. I felt really good about this and I'm sure it has helped her.

I believe that letting go of the "selling" mentality and moving toward a "relationship" mentality has been the biggest change for me. I've seen this change in how I network, but also in how I work with my clients. Less worrying about how to sell more work, and more worrying about how to help them solve problems (either with me or without me).

Perhaps this is how women network. But it is easier for us to do it this way and it seems to work.

why I hate traveling

Today I got a vm from delta saying my flight was cancelled. They automatically rescheduled me on another flight. I'm assuming this is weather related. Which is strange because now I am on a flight that arrives exactly when the storm is supposed to hit Atlanta.

I started thinking about my travel so far this year...

Last week I got to my hotel late at night only to find that my room was 30 degrees and the heat was broken. The next night I found that my remote control was broken and I missed the first 10 minutes of Bones. Then there was a fiasco as I scrambled to get out of boston a day early before the blizzard hit. I got on an early flight, drove through a massive snow storm at 15 mph to the airport, finally got on a plane, sat on the tarmac for 2 hours before taking off. I sat in the middle seat next to a very angry man who was yelling at the flight attendant about how Delta sucks. Awkward.

The week before my flight to boston was cancelled and they rebooked me on a flight the NEXT DAY. Fortunately after several phone calls I was able to get on an early flight. Of course this meant I needed to completely rearrange my day and missed seeing my kids at all. When I arrived in boston, the Hertz computer system was down. So I waited in line for over an hour with a mob of angry people and hostile employees yelling "it's not my fault!" I realized as I drove to my hotel that my wipers were trashed and I couldn't clear my window. Too bad since it snowed the whole week. I'm sure I ran several people off the road and it is a miracle I survived.

The week before that I lost my keys somewhere between dropping my car at park-n-fly and returning back there. I dug up the tiny spare car key in my wallet (yippee) so managed to get home but had to wake everyone up to let me in to the house. Oddly I found the keys in my suitcase the next morning.

This is just the logistical part of the hassle. Then there is the stuff we have adjusted to but I am convinced makes me stressed out and worn out week after week.

The security lines, the mean and nasty TSA people, the undressing, the NO WATER rule (!), trying to fit all my liquids in 1 baggie...

The unhelpful and rude airline employees, the angry passengers, the seats that are so close together that I can't open my computer, the people yelling on their cell phones, the stinky toilets...

The road crews that close interstate exits at random and the detour signs through downtown boston that make no sense, a stupid GPS that tries to put me back on the closed exit ramp, drivers who get angry that I'm lost...

The stupid snow that has to be swept off the car, the flimsy brushes in my rental car that break if you sweep too hard...

And it is only february. Looking forward to seeing how the rest of the year goes.

my rental car in the parking lot after work

Egypt and Change Management Principles

I’ve been thinking about the events we are watching unfold in Egypt… the protests, the ideology, the violence, and the leadership gap.

And I’ve been wondering what we can we learn from this as it relates to change management. Specifically how this situation dramatically highlights the consequences of not managing change. What happens if we apply the basic rules of change management and consider what went wrong, the consequences, and what is going to happen next.

These are my initial observations and I will continue to comment on this as things progress.

• It looks like there is a clear and compelling problem driving change in Egypt. What we are seeing is a wake up call to the President Mubarak and the world. What’s strange is that while this seems pretty obvious to me (and probably the rest of the world), President Mubarak appears to be in denial and continues to stick to his guns. Literally.
• It looks like President Mubarak has surrounded himself with “yes men” who don’t appear to have provided him with a real understanding of what has been going on in his country. Until the protests, I wonder how much objective and unfiltered information he was getting about the unrest bubbling in his country. And if he did get this information—why didn’t he do anything about it? If no one was holding him accountable and telling him implications of his actions—why would he feel a sense of urgency to change?
• Which leads me to wonder who is really in charge? When people are confused, angry, frustrated, they look to people they trust to understand how to interpret and react to what is going on. Egypt’s politicians have isolated themselves, cut off communications, and used violence to try to suppress the unrest. So they have not really established themselves as credible leaders. Citizens look for guidance and right now it looks like the guy with the megaphone is in charge.
•  I am sadly watching as the country loses an opportunity to define a new vision of the future. No one – the politicians, president, or protesters – has clearly articulated the desired end state. Right now the protests and the reactions are fueled by anger and frustration. But when this calms down, something more substantial will be required to keep the country focused on creating a new future.
• And even if the leaders and influencers of each group had gotten together to create the picture of the future, they haven’t put any thought into what it will take to get there. Even a high level idea of what happens after the “big event” would be extremely helpful in engaging the country and the world.

So in a nutshell, we have a leader who has isolated himself, surrounded himself with people afraid to tell him any bad news. We have a change being forced upon the country and a leader in denial. We have leaders in reactionary mode dealing with the crisis in old ways—with no way to get real information that could influence what they do. We have a lack of credible leaders to communicate in meaningful ways. We have frustrated, confused, and angry people who have no access to real information. We have no real vision for the future, no way to engage and motivate people, no plan to move forward.

Interestingly, I wonder if this situation could ultimately be a metaphor for some of the changes we see in our own companies. On the most extreme end of the continuum, what can we expect to happen if we don’t proactively manage our own changes? Some of my observations…

1. Without the context—why we must change, where we are going, and how we will get there—people will all be running in different directions, lots of confusion and frustration, and resulting chaos in the organization.
2. Without leaders committed to the change story—a loss of credibility, inability to get people to change behaviors, no one motivating people to make the changes required. Things slow down.
3.  Without regular access to unfiltered and objective information—leaders react to ad hoc situations, unrest and resistance bubbles up and is not addressed until it becomes a huge problem
4. Without credible and established leaders and influencers at every level—people don’t know where to get information, how to interpret what is going on, they get worried and distracted, performance drops, and current business loses focus

Ultimately, leaders hear the concerns only when they are out of control, everyone retrenches to focus on getting the business back on track, leaders send in the guns to take care of the resistance while the outside drivers continue to take over, and the company implodes.

How will Egypt going get out of the situation they are in? I am interested in watching what happens and applying change management lenses in different ways. I will continue to comment on what I am observing and I welcome insights from readers.