How women network

I've been thinking back on what I have learned about networking over the past 4 years. I find it astounding at how little I knew about really networking. Of course I had read books and articles about why and how but I didn't get it. What a wild ride!

The first major learning...

1. Networking is not about attending events
2. It doesn't matter how many cards you hand out
3. If your message isn't from the heart and compelling - no one cares what you do
4. Less talking about me... more listening about them

I remember making a resolution to go to at least one networking event a week. I researched and registered, I showed up and handed out cards, I listened to the speaker/panel/etc, and then I went home and checked off the "networking" box. After too much time, energy, and money I realized this was really not working. It felt uncomfortable, I didn't know what to talk about, I wasn't making connections, and it wasn't going anywhere. A new strategy was called for.

My next learning...

1. Most women want to build relationships - and these may lead to introductions, referrals, or business deals
2. Most men like this too
3. Making connections takes time and effort
4. Helping other people is easier than selling yourself

I started finding events I enjoyed attending and topics I wanted to learn more about. I watched a few people who are exceptional networkers. I thought about where my target referral sources might be and went there. I started helping other people make connections. It actually became fun! Meeting someone new became more about getting to know them, finding out how I could help them, staying in touch, and letting the relationship unfold.

Where I am now...

1. I am getting much better at creating connections with the people I meet... and I like that
2. I am creating an environment that supports the way women network - launching Women on the Move was new and challenging but watching the way the group connects creates so much positive energy
3. I am seeing more opportunities to help others because of the connections I have developed over the years
4. And best of all, I am getting great referrals from people I have gotten to know
5. I'm still trying to figure out how to stay in touch with people - now that I have so many relationships it is hard for me to maintain them

I've seen successes that reinforce these learnings. Several years ago I met another consulting business owner for coffee. We talked about ways we might collaborate but nothing had come of it. We stayed in touch and late last year he referred me into what became one of my largest clients. My former boss has called me several times to work on his projects. Another former boss has referred me to one of his clients.

Last week I met a woman who is launching her coaching business. As we talked it came up that one of her clients was looking for PE connections in Atlanta. I was able to pull a very influential name out and make an introduction. I felt really good about this and I'm sure it has helped her.

I believe that letting go of the "selling" mentality and moving toward a "relationship" mentality has been the biggest change for me. I've seen this change in how I network, but also in how I work with my clients. Less worrying about how to sell more work, and more worrying about how to help them solve problems (either with me or without me).

Perhaps this is how women network. But it is easier for us to do it this way and it seems to work.